Monday, January 7, 2013

New Years Resolutions for January

I don't know if many of you remember my New Years resolution post, but I had said I was going to try something new every month. This stems from my anxiety, which gets particularly bad in social situations. If you don't have anxiety, it's pretty hard to explain the way it feels. Mine for me, is completely subdued(for the most part) when I am with or in the company of people I know or am familiar with. For example, if I go to the mall with my husband, I'm okay. I feel at ease. If I go to the mall by myself, it's miserable. I've got to the point where I can handle going places alone. I've had to suck it up and deal with it. But I don't like it still.

When I am alone, it's a constant battle inside of me. It's my brain telling me everyone is looking at you. Everyone is starring at you. They are watching your every move. Don't look awkward. Don't trip. Is there something on my shirt? And my heart is telling me you're okay. Nothing is wrong with you. No one cares about you walking through the mall. No one is thinking about you. You're fine. But the feeling I get in the put of my stomach flying every which way and attempting to shove its sour taste and stinging needles up my throat so I can't breath. It makes me nervous and I shake. The feeling is making me not look people in the eyes. It's making me walk faster, which is making me more clumsy, which is making me even more nervous that everyone is staring and me and ultimately thinking something is wrong with me.

 Whew. Okay, now we all need to sit down and breath. That's what it feels like for me. Not just when I'm alone, but if I'm nervous about something that's coming up in the future. Or if I have to make a big decision. Or if I am uncomfortable. Or if I have to talk in public(oh lord. Public speaking in college. A whole new experience for me!). So, back to the New Years resolution! I made the decision to do something new every month. So here's what I did this month.

 I was waiting to pick up one of my very best friends at the airport in Nashville. While waiting I had to use the restroom and when I was finished I washed my hands(hopefully just like everyone reading, right?). Now, if you've never been to the airport in Nashville, they have the new Dyson hand dryers. They look this this.They're really cool for a super nerd and super eco-freak like me. You don't have to touch anything at all! And they don't use ungodly amounts of paper towels. The only awkward thing is you have to move your hands in an up-and-down motion. Now this is nearly impossible to do without looking silly. I could feel the feeling starting to make its way through my stomach of looking stupid and I was alone. So I took advantage of it and turned that feeling around. While moving my hands around I started to dance. There was probably five other people washing their hands at the time and I was groovin. Complete with the booty shake and everything. I danced until my hands were beyond dry. Then I just packed up and went on my merry way. Afterwords, I thought...January's try something new - COMPLETE!


  1. so let me get this straight your new experience was dancing while drying your hands? HAHA!!! love it!

  2. :D Yes!! I never do anything silly when I'm alone in public.

  3. Love it! Good for you for taking control of your anxiety. I also deal with anxiety and completely understand everything you said. One of my huge anxieties is driving. I'm ok driving around back roads and city areas I know. However, if I have to make a left turn on a busy street with no red light or stop sign, I won't do it. I can't. I will drive until I reach a red light, stop sign, or less busy place and turn around. I literally have to fight back an anxiety attack just thinking about it. It sure does make for a longer drive sometimes, but I can't help it.

  4. Thanks Bethany! Anxiety is a beast. I know how you feel 100%! It's those triggers that we try and avoid at all costs! I never realized that my anxiety makes me do things in a meticulous order, especially driving, too! I always drive the same way I know, even if there's a faster or easier way. I like the familiarity to it. Glad to know I'm not alone. :)