When I am alone, it's a constant battle inside of me. It's my brain telling me everyone is looking at you. Everyone is starring at you. They are watching your every move. Don't look awkward. Don't trip. Is there something on my shirt? And my heart is telling me you're okay. Nothing is wrong with you. No one cares about you walking through the mall. No one is thinking about you. You're fine. But the feeling I get in the put of my stomach flying every which way and attempting to shove its sour taste and stinging needles up my throat so I can't breath. It makes me nervous and I shake. The feeling is making me not look people in the eyes. It's making me walk faster, which is making me more clumsy, which is making me even more nervous that everyone is staring and me and ultimately thinking something is wrong with me.
Whew. Okay, now we all need to sit down and breath. That's what it feels like for me. Not just when I'm alone, but if I'm nervous about something that's coming up in the future. Or if I have to make a big decision. Or if I am uncomfortable. Or if I have to talk in public(oh lord. Public speaking in college. A whole new experience for me!). So, back to the New Years resolution! I made the decision to do something new every month. So here's what I did this month.